Before We Give Advice, Can We Ask One More Question?

One of the things I appreciate most about Motivational Interviewing is that it continually asks us to examine how we use our expertise.

Most of us entered helping professions because we care.

Someone tells us about a problem, and very quickly we can see possibilities.

Sometimes we can even see the solution.

Naturally, we want to help.

MI asks us to notice what happens next.

-          The fixing reflex

In Motivational Interviewing, our natural tendency to step in and make something better is called the fixing reflex.

The intention behind it is usually good.

But when our ideas, urgency, and reasons for change begin taking over the conversation, the other person's thinking can become quieter.

The fourth edition of Motivational Interviewing intentionally expanded the MI spirit to include empowerment, emphasizing people's strengths, motivations, resourcefulness, and autonomy. It also updated the information-sharing approach to Ask-Offer-Ask. Motivational Interviewing

For me, this does not mean withholding expertise.

It means being thoughtful about when and how I bring it into the conversation.

Before offering the answer, I can become curious

I might ask:

"What have you already considered?"

"What would you like to be different?"

"What concerns you most?"

"What has worked for you before?"

"What feels realistic right now?"

"What do you think your next step could be?"

Those questions do something important.

They allow me to learn what the person already knows.

They also make room for strengths, motivation, concerns, experience, and ideas that I might otherwise miss.

PAUSE. ASK. REFLECT. OFFER. ASK.

Here is a simple practice I use when thinking about MI-informed conversations.

PAUSE

Notice the moment when I know what I think the person should do.

ASK

Ask one more question before offering the solution.

REFLECT

Show the person that I understand what matters to them.

OFFER

If information or expertise may be helpful, ask permission.

"Would it be alright if I shared something that might be useful?"

ASK AGAIN

Return the conversation to the person.

"What do you make of that?"

"How does that fit for you?"

"Where does that leave you?"

MI's Ask-Offer-Ask approach supports information sharing while protecting collaboration and autonomy. Motivational Interviewing

-          Putting It Into Practice

During one conversation this week, notice your fixing reflex.

You do not have to get rid of it.

Just notice it.

Then ask one more genuine question.

Listen carefully to what comes next.

Sometimes the greatest value we bring to a helping conversation is our expertise.

And sometimes it is knowing how to create enough space for someone to discover some of their own wisdom.

If you are interested in expanding your M.I. skill and experience, make sure to explore our on-demand courses on the current trainings page.